Dear Sandy

So, ya. Got the below email yesterday (it’s not the first… remember my How to Deal with Haters Post? ).

I can't save everyone, and my plate is really, really fucking full right now. But the truth of the matter is that there is no harm in attempting to lift others up. It doesn't harm me, because it doesn't involve me going to where they are. It involves me calling them to join me where I am, in a better place, feeling good in my own skin. They can choose to ignore me, or choose to be enraged by me, or choose to crack that door open just enough so that more kindness can come in from other places later. That is their choice. Just as it is my choice to plant seeds of kindness, even in what appears to be inhospitable soil. Because that is where they are needed most.


Dear “Sandy”,

I have to assume that you are here for uplifting and love, because that's all that I've got. And I'm hopeful that this will either move things along for you in a positive direction, or you'll lose interest in wasting your time and energy trying to bash the un-bashable. I'm viewing your continued cyber anger, under the guise of a fake name, as a call for help. And it must be, because I can't sort out any other reason why you would find yourself on my instagram and business blogs so frequently, or compelled to continue emailing me. So here goes my attempt to clarify for you what the reality of this situation is.

Facts: You deserve to be cherished and loved. You deserve to be treated like you are the best thing since sliced bread. You deserve to be with someone who makes you feel like there's no one else on the planet as beautiful and loving and talented and amazing as you. You deserve to feel uplifted all day, every day. You deserve to feel beautiful and loved all the time. You deserve positive attention and support and kindness ALL THE TIME.

But here's the thing.

If you are not actively feeling this way about yourself, you aren't going to find anyone else who does either. And that doesn't mean that you aren't worthy of it. It means you are projecting a story, and it is simply reflecting itself back to you. If you feel less than, you will attract someone who makes you feel less than. If you feel unattractive, you will attract someone who will exploit those feelings within you, and use it for their own benefit to belittle and control you. If you are lonely, you will attract someone who may fill the space next to you, but you will still have that void within, and they will often exasperate your lonely feelings by not being truly available to you, and then making you feel crazy for expressing your feelings when you voice them.

And the truth of the matter is that he will never be able to fill that void. Because that void has a label on it: Self Love. And the only person who can put things in there is you.

Once you start telling a different story about what you deserve and who you are, you'll start finding that not only do you feel better, but when someone passively aggressively tries to insult you, or undermines you, or outright does insult you, it won't feel like a personal attack towards you, but rather, a clue into how they're feeling about themselves. When you care for yourself more, external circumstances will not bring you down anymore. Because when you're worth comes from within, it is no longer up for grabs. And that's because that label on that container, though it limits who can put things in there, it also limits WHO CAN TAKE THINGS OUT. It's like a forcefield. And it makes you virtually unbreakable.

So I feel compelled to be a woman of my word, and be what I never had.

You deserve better than where you are now. You are beautiful. You are smart. You are successful. You are enough.

And if you can take a moment, to maybe ignore who the message is coming from, and instead just really allow that truth to sink in, you might find that you feel better... if even for a hot second. And that's going to make a really, big, positive difference going forward.

Yours In Truth,